his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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