I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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