i love accidental penises.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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