FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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