New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
