i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
