what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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