is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
