i need an iv and a liver transplant
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm at about main and main street
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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