We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
