Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
