she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
