When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
