i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
