I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
