I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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