dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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