I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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