Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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