just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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