ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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