Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
