I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
