I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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