If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
