I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you win again, gameday.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
