then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
