Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
