He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Randomize
