Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
