So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
