I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
