This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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