I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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