they need to just BURY HIM!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
