I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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