dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
