He felt like a one man threesome
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
