I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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