What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
