he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Do vagina's smell?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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