i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
