It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You're so nebulous sometimes
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
