I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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