just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
