I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
