I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
