imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
