Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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