Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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