How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
