Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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